Read through the Live-With material, then commit to practicing this 'practice' all week. You can post insights during the week as well as a weekly reflection at the end. Enjoy!
Whatever you do this week, try to do it differently. Try to do it
without expectations. Because the more you let go of expectations, the more you
can replace those expectations with the conscious awareness of your own
creative resource. In other words – the more you learn to give up expectations,
the more you will be able to trust in your inner wisdom and creative nature.
Have fun!
Live-With Assignment: #1 Let Go of Expectations-------- July 1, 2014
ReplyDeleteIt takes a lot of work to be conscious of all the expectations that I have. At first it was hard to “feel” what these expectations were and what were not. I had to be very conscious of it, very reflective. I started to pay attention to statements like “i should do this” or “we should do this” , or “i can’t believe he didn’t do that”. From these statements I thought about what these things said about me. I than started to ask myself “why do i expect so much from others” or even “why am i so hard on myself and put all these expectations on myself.”
One expectation I found myself having this week was with this class. I had an expectations that this class will help me concur my fear of starting something creative for myself. That somehow by taking this class and gaining the tools I need that creativity will come more easily to me and that I will be able to produce something bigger and more impactful in my life. Now i’m letting go. I’m trying to change it up a little and enter this class living within the moment, not worried about what product will be created by the end, what the class can do for me but more importantly to just be. This is very difficult. Especially because all my life every class and curriculum i have taken I have always expected to do and receive something specific. Now i’m letting go of those expectations. I feel lighter and less tied down. I feel excited!
Thank you, Parisa. Good insights. Yes, it takes both feeling and awareness to begin to really see what expectations we have. I'm glad you feel lighter and less tied down. I'm excited to see what these tools guide you to explore and experience.
DeleteI figured letting go of all expectations at once will be a humongous task! ! So the solution was baby steps!
ReplyDeleteOne task at a time. Letting go of expectations bit by bit translated into letting go of the fear of the outcome. This made the task at hand a whole lot lighter & I was able to put in a lot more effort with out being fearful or failure or rejoice the impending success. As a result not only did the tasks go on a whole lot smoother but the stress reduced a lot of new ideas flourished & journey from inception to the end result was Happier/Lighter & a lot more full-filling. Not to mention the end result was SUCCESS !
Deepti, Here's to baby steps...one task at a time. How great that your wisdom led you to letting go of the fear of the outcome, lightness, and fulfillment...and success.
DeleteI definitely have too many and too high expectations of myself but also of others. It's difficult to let go, but it gets better as I keep trying. Once I let go, it's a liberating feeling, like a weight falls off your shoulders.
ReplyDeleteI had set myself an expectation to write on this blog on the weekend. I ended up being too busy, and on Monday something came up that took up all of my time and energy and caused me some stress. Then I tried to post something before class started (between 6-7 pm), but I also had to eat and drive to Stanford... So I decided to let go and not get stressed out about it. I was so glad when Julie mentioned we could still post on the blog on Wednesday. Also, just being in class made me calm and forget about everything else going on in my life.
At work I'm working on process improvements for my team. Things seemed to be going smoothly, but this week the team in Europe told me that they think the new process is cumbersome. I felt disappointed and my first thought was: "Oh, the team in Europe always has some kind of criticism." Then I decided to calmly read through their feedback, and I understood that they had some valid points. Moreover, since they're in a different time zone and not in the same office, it makes it more difficult to get everyone on the same page. Instead of going on the defense, I acknowledged their concerns, and explained that all new processes are challenging in the beginning but that after a while things will become a habit and go smoothly. I haven't heard from them yet, but I'm hoping that we can roll out the new process next week (or is that another expectation?). What I learned from this is to remain calm, have an open mind, to not get attached to the outcome, and listen to what others have to say.
Sandra, I really hear your VOW here...'calmly reading through the feedback' and acknowledging 'concerns'. Your learnings are powerful! Did they open up a space for creativity?
DeleteI have always been one to set high expectations for myself. From academic and sports related goals when I was in my teenage years to career and personal life aspirations today, I have a hard time settling for anything less than my perception of perfect. As I dissected this perfectionism further, I noticed that it often stemmed from either needing to plan out everything, obsessing over the outcome, or a combination of both. Thus for me, letting go of my expectations correlated with lack of commitment and going with the flow, both of which scared me a little bit at first.
ReplyDeleteI am always trying to plan ahead in every aspect of my life. From planning a daily routine of work, eating healthy, going to the gym, going to class, staying in touch with friends and family, maintaining a clean apartment, getting a solid nights sleep, etc, I am constantly setting myself up for failure more times than I am setting myself up for success.
The first day I actively tried to let go of expectations was on my birthday, Friday of last week. With the exception of going to work, I told myself that in any moment no matter what I thought I SHOULD do, I would do what my gut was telling me I wanted to do.
I usually set two alarms in the morning, one at 5am to go to the gym, and one at 6:30am which is when I need to get out of bed in order to be on time for work. It is usually a game time decision at 5am whether I am too exhausted to drag myself out of bed (in which case I pack a gym bag and go after work or after class), or just motivated enough to rise and shine. That morning, I set one alarm for 6:30 and surprisingly found myself awake well before my alarm went off (a rare occurrence these days). I decided to go for a walk, and found myself at the grocery store a few blocks away buying a few things for breakfast. I had a relaxing breakfast on my balcony before work for the first time because I allowed myself to go with the flow.
Throughout that day I was getting a lot of texts and messages about hanging out and doing this or that for my birthday. Normally, I would try and plan everything perfectly so it all fit together, but that day I decided I did not want to make any plans at all. There was a possibility I would be working late, and since I didn’t give anyone expectations of seeing me later, I had complete freedom to do whatever I wanted to do when the time came. I ended up getting home from work at 11:45pm after a 16.5 hour work day to find my roommate having a glass of wine on the balcony. PERFECT. In that moment that was exactly what I wanted to do. Had I made plans I would have most likely stressed about being late for them or having to make it up to my friends later one. Letting go of expectations, not making a plan, and going with the flow of the night left me extremely happy in the end.
I haven’t been quite as successful at devoting an entire day to “pure bliss” like I believe I did that day. However, I am much more aware of even the smallest expectations I make for myself and am slowly taking the steps to squash more and more of these expectations. This past weekend I tried to follow the same mentality of going with the flow and not committing myself to any set plans, which for me contribute to being able to let go of expectations. For the most part, I found the process successful. However, I (mistakenly) told myself the one thing I wanted to do all weekend was to install the new pedals on my road bike so I could go for a bike ride. By 4pm on Sunday I realized I didn’t even have the correct pedals for them to be compatible with my bike, and I went out to get them. Then I didn’t have the correct tools, and I went out to get those too. What I thought would be a quick process turned out to be a Sunday evening affair. I couldn’t let myself let go of that expectation for the weekend as it had been on my long-term “to-do” list, alongside paying my monthly rent and a few other necessities.
I feel as though I hit a roadblock in my thinking with this particular expectation for setting up my bike. I couldn’t just “let it go” without it looming over me for the week as an unfinished task. It was much easier for me to give up my day to day routine than it was for me to let go of any or all expectations for long-term goals or projects even as minor as this one. This was definitely a thought provoking exercise that left me with a lot of questions. I look forward to exploring these questions further as I continue to give up expectations and trust my inner wisdom.
DeleteYou are doing a great job with this. Fantastic in fact. I love how much awareness you have.
DeleteAs for the roadblock with your bike, does it feel like you've hit the 'brick wall'? That point of frustration in the creative process?
YOu might pay attention to the voice that doesn't like unfinished tasks. What's the fear underlying things being unfinished?
Happy late Birthday!
Thank you for the feedback! I don't consider this the 'brick wall,' but rather an incident that made me think of questions regarding letting go of expectations. It lead me to think about expectations I put on myself as a direct result of others putting expectations on me (i.e. paying my rent on time). Paying rent by the deadline is an expectation I put on myself because it is an expectation my relator places on me. Though technically I could let go of this expectation, there are a number of consequences that could and would result (late fee, losing my apartment, etc.)
DeleteAt first thought, the fear underlying things being unfinished is directly related to the consequences that result. This can easily be applied to finishing paying rent and finishing my work for the day, because (in my opinion) the consequences are more severe. What IS my fear of other things, such as my bike, being unfinished? The consequences are small in comparison, but my VOJ nonetheless has something to say about it. Definitely something to think about!
Brittany, I think you're getting to the heart of something here - choice. What drives our choices. To pay rent on time makes sense if you value things such as living where you are and not paying extra money. It's also an agreed upon contract in a way. It's conscious. You decide if this is how you want to spend your money and where you want to live.
DeleteI love that you are really diving into the underlying fear(s) of other things. If your VOJ has something to say about it, ask it what's up. Directly inquire to see what's underneath the fear. Something is lurking there. ;-)
I have really to sit with this and try to figure out the real meaning of expectations it's a belief about what might happen in the future an awaiting of something else especially of success for example I think something good will come in my professional life I would like to get a better job if It won't starts happen as a mental picture that I made on my mind in the way that's I want to be I will get disappointment I think that's why I should let go expectations about the future and work in the present letting flow the life . My reflection about this is we should stopped to suppose and anticipated things before it's happen . the key is to know that you only have the present and you can only live a moment at a time.
ReplyDeleteI always have much expectations in my life. However, the difficulties in every aspect of the life let me down. After your class, I decide to make some changes.I want to let go of expectations and follow my hearts. The next day, I gave myself a great breakfast and enjoyed my ideas with my friends. I didn't directly go to the library to prepare for my exam which has made me very tired and crazy. I sorted out my clothing and chose one colorful dress. I think I had a good start and relaxed myself. I did what I really want to that day. I feel that I am full of strength again. Maybe it's temporary, but I enjoy it. I hope I can change myself gradually. Let go of expectation, is also the key to success.
ReplyDeleteI have always been a big fan of to do lists. I love the feeling of crossing off things I accomplish, and visually being able to absorb reaching an expectation and accomplishing a task. I even get to the point where I have made a to do list, strayed from that path to do something else, and then added that to the list just so I could cross it off and feel accomplished.
ReplyDeleteThis week I had one of the most productive weeks I can remember. How did that happen? I didn't make a to d list this week. I didn't have expectations for what to do this week. That way, I didn't have to compare my accomplishments to all the tasks left unfinished. Instead, I got tot live in the glory for all that I DID accomplish and feel truly happy about my success(es). I bought and set up a printer which greatly reduced the amount of time I spent running to the library and 24 hour printer stores. I went to the gym three days in a row. I cleaned my room and washed all of my laundry and sheets. I topped the week off finishing a book while looking off my balcony at the super moon.. I did so many other things (productive and otherwise) that left me feeling truly happy at the end of the week. Without a list of expectations, watching a television show is a just a happy and relaxing moment because I don't have a list of more productive things I could and should be doing staring back at me. What a relief!
expectations are a mystery. going for a week without any wasnt an easy task. It made me aware of how many things I expected from myself and others.
ReplyDeleteI decided to write down on a notebook exception I had on different events and be aware if they are real exception or not. The beginning was heard but after a few days it start to be easier.
I understood I am coming with a specific people in my life with many exception which make me come not from a neutral view which had a bad effect on our communication.