We had a great class on Tuesday night. We covered a great deal of material, much of which was both thought and emotion provoking.
Please share anything that's been percolating inside you since Tuesday. Our wisdom grows when we share it with each other.
Between catching up on the reading (I joined the class last week), listening and digesting the conversation from class, and from years of 'going with my gut', I feel like I am finally understood. I tend to trust my intuition in my personal life more so than in my professional one. At home, for my family and for my self, my VOJ is mostly silent, with my VOW having the upper hand and know-how. At work, it is another story. My VOJ can be quite loud, often putting me in a position where I second guess myself only to find that my intuition was right to begin with. I am intimidated by those that appear to have a more 'solid' argument based on facts, vs my ideas based on 'gut' or intuition. In the past, there has been such a negative connotation associated with 'going with your gut'. It has been looked as being irresponsible, risky, and 'jumping to a conclusion without enough data'. I have also seen how too much data, number crunching and over analysis has paralyzed projects. My work going forward is to silence the VOJ that pops up at work and to trust my intuition.
ReplyDeleteFrancesca, I'm so glad you feel like you are 'finally understood'. That is such a powerful thing. It is an opening into who you really are, into your Self, that feeling of someone seeing you for who you really are.
DeleteThank you. Great work going forward. Keep us updated on how it goes!
"I am intimidated by those that appear to have a more 'solid' argument based on facts, vs my ideas based on 'gut' or intuition. In the past, there has been such a negative connotation associated with 'going with your gut'. ... I have also seen how too much data, number crunching and over analysis has paralyzed projects." If you've done your own myer briggs, you must be an N :)
Deleteas a female engineer and technical leader in my job i am naturally an S, trust me when I tell you we S types (those who love data and analysis paralysis) are very appreciative of the N types who aren't afraid to act on instinct because we S's are often too scared to.
Christie, I greatly appreciate your insight and comments. and yes, I am a big "N". Have a great rest of your week.
Deleteright back at you girl!
DeleteThe last class really impressed and enlightened me a lot though it’s my first class to be here (for I missed the first class ). I really enjoyed the comfortable atmosphere ,sharing ideas and concerns with people of different culture background. As a typical Chinese, I grow up in a culture being taught to be modest, learn to listen before talking. Gradually, I become accustomed to listen to others instead of voiceing myself out. In my life and study(i am still a student) ,I think my VOJ is mostly silent.What’s more,I always remind myself not to behave aggressive and strong for I am a female.....I used to have a lot of concerns but I ger relieved to some extent in this class. I really wanted to share my thoughts for several times in class but held the temptation back.(maybe not brave enough ,maybe due to the tiredness caused by jet lag).Anyway, really looking forward to the next class and hoping to hear my voice there.
ReplyDelete"As a typical Chinese, I grow up in a culture being taught to be modest, learn to listen before talking."
DeleteI am an asian australian female and I totally relate to this. I also feel constantly conflicted because I was brought up my entire life by my asian parents to be quiet, obedient, observant, submissive because that is what chinese culture expects from women. However as an australian I was taught to be honest and upfront with people and it took me many years to learn to be honest not only with others but myself. People are often taken aback by how blunt I can be but after some time they realise I'm just being honest about how I feel and only when all emotions and logic are put onto the table can people/teams/individuals make progress. If you suppress your thoughts for the sake of "keeping the peace" in the end my experience tells me this is a lose-lose situation.
Don't be afraid to use your voice, those who are genuine will not be afraid to listen to your ideas but it has to start with you!
Wenyu, Thank you for your post and for sharing so honestly. Tomorrow night, I look forward to hearing your voice in class. Here's to you following that temptation!
ReplyDeleteI saw a quote the other day, 'The highest form of Wisdom is Kindness', and after our class it made me add 'to Yourself (and it will flow to others)'. Starting with loving, honoring, and being kind to yourself for the parts you don't like, for the mistakes, for not going with your gut, is fertilizer for the VOW to grow.
ReplyDeleteI like this quote and your addition of "to yourself". I think women are more self-critical than men. We are so hard on ourselves. We can start indeed by being kind to ourselves. We did an exercise at an offsite last year that may help with being kind to yourself and others. We each had to bring a picture of ourselves when we were a child. Others had to guess who was who. It was a fun exercise, and you started to see your coworkers differently. Everyone became cute all of a sudden, and any issues with anyone disappeared. Sometimes, when I'm having a hard time working with someone, I picture that person as a child, and it instantly creates kindness and empathy and leads to better solutions.
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ReplyDeleteConfilict within I always thought was due to confusion or because of lack of something.Last class I finally figured out it was nothing but VOJ that suppressed my VOW.Listening more to VOW going with my intution of what makes me happy or what it is that I want to do has is sort of making me look inwards - detach myself from my life decisions
ReplyDelete& I am able to look at on what bases I have made decisions so long - all under the cloud of VOJ/Social Expectations/System etc - Last class has given me lot in terms of clarity. I think being able to meet my own expectations as opposed to catering to others is important. Culturally have been brought up to fit-in to a pre-conceived mold. But it isn`t necessary that mold fits me. SO it`s OK to make my own decisions to step out & decide to do what makes me happy, to not doubt myself because VOJ says so to listen to VOW. Its also ok to appear confident & self-assured !
Makes me a better Woman & a happier Human !
This week has been a difficult personal challenge. My challenge on moving to a new country and accepting this process takes time to start a life in a new place just stepped up to a new level this week.
ReplyDeleteMy country is been under war for the past week and the voice of wisdom VS. judgment are working over time.
I am must say the class tools helped me give a second look and slow down more.
personally tend to make big decision going with my gut feeling but this week made me wonder what is the best way to decide if you are under pressure and limited on time? what will give you a solid fast- answer that you can start making steps?
mack:
Delete"personally tend to make big decision going with my gut feeling but this week made me wonder what is the best way to decide if you are under pressure and limited on time? what will give you a solid fast- answer that you can start making steps? "
i don't necessarily have the answers you might need. but i did want to tell you your struggle is not necessarily unique and there is plenty of support available for people like you (us/me) struggling to settle into a new country regardless of what their circumstances for moving to the USA were.
the constant struggle to make decisions based on gut/intuition vs strategic/analysis paralysis is one everyone faces and can sometimes conflict and at the worst of times hinder progress.
I find that intuition type people are less afraid to gamble, which is great for fast decision making. the trade off is that they take less time to analyse options available and sometimes the first gamble doesn't pay off, but as long as you stay open minded enough to stay flexible i think this approach can work if that is your natural tendenncy. :)
if you'd like to chat more, i'll be in class today. im the asian one that sounds like shes australian coz thats where i grew up. i moved to california 2 years ago for my career and dont regret it despite a really tough first 6 months trying to settle in.
This has been a very insightful and also challenging week as I have become more aware of my VOJ and how it influences my thoughts and behaviors. I have noticed specific triggers (work, individuals) that seem to trigger the VOJ, and I have also noticed how these thoughts influence my self esteem, my overall health, and how I respond to life. I am slowly starting to see how the VOJ has become a direct barrier to me living my true life, feeling happy and content, and essentially mirroring forth my authentic self. It has also been quite revealing to listen to what the VOJ is saying and try to understand where this voice is rooted and what it is trying to preserve (i.e. the ego). I think my next challenge will be learning how to transition to the VOW, which I have still not quite figured out.
ReplyDeleteYes, figuring out how to transitions to the VOW will be a challenge, but I think that just understanding of VOJ and how it prevents you from living in harmony with yourself and the world around is a step forward
DeleteI used to be very shy and self-critic for so many years, every time I have different opinions from the other people, or there were some unhappy situation between others, I feel it was my fault. Actually before this class I start to not critic myself too much, and start to tell myself that I am not the person should only responsible for all the fault. But I'm not sure if this is the correct way to deal with problems. After this class, I know I was correct and use this method more confident. The most biggest problem in my life is that I lack of confidence of talking with people, I always feel the people I was talking with think I am boring, annoying and want to finished the chat quickly and talk with other people. This cause a big problem in my social life, I frequently feel lonely and not likable. But last week, after the phrase VOJ being planted into my head, I open a new window in my social life, and feel more comfortable and confidence chat with others. When the VOJ came out, I said to myself that it was the VOJ and let it go, don't let it ruin your life again. It turns out very helpful and I feel much better about myself.
ReplyDeleteFrom: Xueting Zhao
“If you're not happy, it's not your life that is wrong but just the way you live your life.” I love this sentence and now I understand it. In the past, others' judgments always affect my feelings and life. I even felt depressed and force myself to accept their ideas. In my high, I want to learn art, but my parents didn't think it can help me find a good job, so I gave up. The VOJ can be a huge obstacle to creating our dreams. Maybe it's a judgment about the path we'd like to take but won't let ourselves even consider (what would people think?). We're constantly judging ourselves, others, and the world around us, and often it's completely counterproductive.I am looking forward to change myself in your class.
ReplyDelete"I am looking forward to change myself in your class." > sometimes the only change people can accept is the kind that jingles in their pockets, hopefully we will all be able to take away a different kind of change from this amazing class. gives a whole new meaning to the phrase "penny for your thoughts?" :)
DeleteI believe that the way to be happy is to care about other people.
DeleteI think that people sometimes spend too much time thinking about their own lives/problems instead of reaching to other people and helping others. I think the more selfless we act, the more fulfilled out lives are
DeleteI've been aware for years now that I have many critical voices in my head that tell me I'm not good enough on a regular basis. Sometimes the voices are very loud and noticeable. Sometimes they are barely there yet super powerful. Yet even so, I found it helpful to name it as VOJ - Voice of Judgment - and to learn a variety of tools in which to engage with it and make it disappear. I often need something to replace the negative, so it was helpful to learn about the alternative Voice of Wisdom (or as I have also heard it called - "that still small voice within") that can be a much better guide for me. There is a seductiveness to the VOJ that insists it is the VOW and so it requires practice on my part to stay vigilant and not get pulled in and deceived. I did have an "aha" moment throughout the week when I realized that when I stop VOJ from getting active, it frees me up inside and I become open to a range of options and possibilities that I previously could not see. Quite frankly, I experienced much less internal angst and stress and I was much more pleasant to be around both at work and at home.
ReplyDeleteTo me an "aha" moment was when we had to imagine the "wise person" and ask the question. Truly, if we just stop listening to VOJ and seek the VOW, we can live much happier life without having to go back to the same questions trying to find the answer. During the class exercise, I was amazed how quickly the "wise person" responded to something that I couldn't solve for quite some time.
DeleteThis week has been very difficult for me, because I always was listening my VOJ, and i always believe all the things that I see o lisening from the other person, and i know that situacion its very bad because I started to think in judment, for that reason i decide to think different trying to be the person that i always want to be, and forgot all the bad ideas that i can think from other person only trying to create a protection because sometimes i fell scare to be hurt for somebody, and i know that this life its for enjoy the good and the bad moments.
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