How's it going? You've had a few days now to find ways to quiet, relax, and psyche out the VOJ.
What are you becoming aware of? What does your VOJ say to you? What are the patterns?
How are you discharging it, relaxing it, and quieting it? What's working? What's not?
What does your VOW day when you can hear it?
And, what choices are available with a quiet VOJ?
Share your stories, insights, 'wins', 'fails', all of it. It's all great fodder for learning.
I had an interesting experience with the VOJ this past week. I had accepted a translation project for a non-profit organization. I thought that the deadline was 11 PM on Friday, so since it was a holiday, I thought I'd spend the whole day working on it. In the afternoon, I received a message that the project was overdue. Turns out the deadline was at 11 AM! Immediately I started telling myself: How could I have missed this! I am so stupid. What is the client going to think? They probably won't let me work on anything again. After a few minutes of this "nonsense" (which is what is is, because it is not based on any truths, it simply doesn't make sense), I told myself: I've never missed a deadline. I have a good track record. It's voluntary work, and I'm working on it. It's almost done. Then I sent an email to the client explaining the misunderstanding and to let them know I'm working on it. Their response was that time was not important for this project and that they were very grateful for my generous professionalism. I couldn't have been happier with a response like this. My previous anxiety had disappeared and was now replaced with confidence. The next day I accepted another job for the same client.
ReplyDeleteWhat I noticed is that my VOJ is quiet when I'm totally absorbed in something, for example reading a book, doing something I really enjoy, when on a hike/walk or just being in nature, or even watching the World Cup games.
Honestly I have been able to make a very important decision with a lot of clarity & conviction.(I really don`t want to share the exact details of what the decision is - too personal - but will share the process i went through.)
ReplyDeleteIt`s been a decision that I have needed to make for a long time - but kept procrastinating because VOJ pretty much overwhelmed me & I heard it for way too long ! However last week I was able to analyise the entire situation with a lot of clarity & objectivity - my VOW & intution gave me a lot of confidence - each time VOJ came up saying "nope too tough" or "how are you gonna pull this through" or "nope it`s not what you are used to will you be able to handle it" Intution shot back saying "This is what will make you happy" & VOW said "This is actually what you want & doesn`t matter what others want" ! I felt a whole lot more lighter - from that point on have been listening to myself to what makes me happy & not doubting coz of VOJ - have also noticed this past week I have been very proactive in general & very productive too !! I guess my minds a lot more clear :)
My brain hurts this week. I think that is a good thing. I have had an interesting experience with my VOJ. First in discovering it and also with letting it go. The first task this week of being aware of my VOJ was difficult. At first I was not sure if it was my VOJ i was hearing. It was hurting my brain so i gave up trying to find it and "figure it out". Instead I decided to listen to what my body was telling me. Throughout the day I would be aware of how I was feeling and through that I was able to discover what my VOJ was telling me. It became more clear. And yes my VOJ was loud! The second task was to De-Energize it which of course takes a lot of practice. One of my short term goals for my creativity project was to find a co-collaborator and I had the perfect person in mind but my VOJ stepped in and said "oh but she is probably really busy", "you don't even have a set idea what are you going to present to her". To de-energize my VOJ i just went ahead and wrote an email to her and she was so excited to hear about the project. We set up a time next week to meet up and brainstorm. The VOJ set in again quickly after saying "you don't have the set ideas, what if this is a waste of time." but instead I answered it by saying "this is a great way to meet up with a dear friend that i'm excited to collaborate with, it will be fun to see her and start this creative conversation."
ReplyDeleteI have found it very helpful to say the things my VOJ is saying out loud or write them down to realize that it is holding me back from trying out new things, pursuing things I need and just ridiculous. I have tried to approach things with the attitude that if my VOJ says that I shouldn’t do it or that I can’t do it... I should just do it. In reality they are small and silly things I’m avoiding. So, with that in mind this week I powered through a tough week, both personally and professionally, taking the approach that surrendering to the tasks at hand things would work out by the end of the week and answers would be received as I needed them. I also accepted an interview for a potential job that my VOJ is VERY loud about, but overall happy with my choices and feel a sense of comfort.
ReplyDeleteThis past week, I paid close attention to the voices in my mind. There is a lot of chatter going on in my head every day, so I was particularly interested in finding out who was talking. It can be so noisy! I heard multiple voices talking, but the loudest one seemed to be VOJ’s best friend, The Voice of Worry. I tried to figure out if it was the VOJ in disguise, but it didn’t seem attached to any type of judgment; it was more of a fear similar to a fear of flying. It most often appeared when I was driving. I realized that this is the Voice that is really interfering with my true self. I have worked so hard to overcome this kind of fear (I used to be afraid of flying), and it is disconcerting to think I may be taking a step backwards in this area. But recently, it is rearing its ugly head. I am curious to know if the VOJ and the VOA (Voice of Anxiety) are one and the same, or if they just feed off of each other.
ReplyDeleteAs far as trying strategies for psyching out this voice, I found the best one for me to be music and dance. Singing to my tunes as I drove was very successful. When I am dancing during exercise, I feel liberated. But there may be times when singing or dancing is not an option, so I’d like to find another strategy. Since Worry is focused on the future, I am hoping that developing my mindfulness practice will help me to shut it up.
Sometimes it was hard to tell whom I was hearing, the VOJ (Why would you want to do that?) or the VOW asking (Do I want to do that?) Over the weekend, someone who wants to embark upon a project similar to one that for years I thought I wanted to do approached me. When I met with him to talk about it, I began to realize that this might not be my dream anymore. I think I have moved on. At first, I wondered if it was jut my VOJ talking, but I really felt as though is was my VOW. I appreciated what one woman said in class last night about noticing a difference in her body when trying to determine which voice was talking. I did feel relaxed and certain in that moment of questioning. I will keep the lines of communication open, because I truly believe that one door leads to another. You never know what might happen, but my intuition is telling me that while I may have been excited about such a venture at one point in my life, things evolve over time.
Quieting and relaxing the VOJ is a full time job, on top of my already existing full time job. I have really struggled with this over the past couple of weeks because I make my schedule extremely busy that I haven’t been able to give the proper time and attention to psyching out the VOJ. The moments I have been fully immersed in becoming aware of it, relaxing it, and looking deeper into its source have proved extremely successful. However, these moments are few and far between and I have been really trying this past week to focus on the VOW quieting the VOJ.
ReplyDeleteMy VOJ is really good at making up excuses. It is prevalent when I feel as thought I have let down my expectations (those that I am supposed to be letting go of). Through these exercises I have been able to use my VOW to overpower these judging thoughts, AND, in turn, let go of these expectations. In order to do so I have had to go to the source of the judgment- really analyze and dig deep to figure out where exactly it was manifesting itself.
One thing that helped me tremendously in this area was working on my resume. My VOJ has recently been psyching ME out and enlisting a fear in me in applying for engineering jobs again. Working on my resume made me realize these fears are unwarranted; I have a lot of skills personally and professionally that would be a huge asset to any company. I know this deep down, but it wasn’t until I went to the source of my fears and wrote down all of my qualifications that counter this fear that I was able to psyche out my VOJ and only hear the VOW.
This is definitely something I need to work on. The positive light is that when I have focused on psyching it out it has been extremely successful and left me feeling much lighter. I can physically feel a weight being lifted off my shoulders, just as I did last class in the exercise where we thought about a loved one. That feeling is so moving and so peaceful, I look forward to exploring other ways of squashing the VOJ and letting the VOW shine through. I enjoy reading posts of others and hearing different insights in class as it provides me with alternatives to explore so I can ultimately find and practice what truly works best for me in the different situations that arise in every day life.
It is Interesting to know that I didn't know what to call the voice in the back of my mind that tells me things like Go For It, Good Job, No Way, You don't want to do that*
ReplyDeleteMy VOJ, Over the years has been relevant but not controlling enough to stop me from doing whatever I want. I've learned from our first class meeting that my VOJ is not overbearing but there* Overall, I do value instead my VOW because to me, shes the extra pat on the back I need at times. I believe I've been quieting my VOJ more often because now I'm fully aware of when I'm making and decisions with fear. U can tell you that I've traveled all around the World before age 25* I have allowed my VOW to encourage me to start my own business, study abroad in Kenya, Africa, tour areas of Europe, write and read poems out loud to crowds if 500 or more people, and to tell my personally story of triumph in hopes of inspiring anyone in the room to step up and be noticed* Woo....A Sigh of Relief because I'm So Happy to Know that for most of my life, I have been encouraged by my VOW*
Hoorayyy...
Since i started this jobs as a full time nanny my VOJ took control of most decisions- unfortunately ...
ReplyDeleteAnyways starting to psyche it out gave me a whole new perspective about how I see things.. It turned out that both if my kids Have ADHD ... I have never worked with it and had absolutely no idea what that means for me, the kids and my whole stay in that family... I started complaining more being impatientAnd most off all I blamed everything that went wrong on the kids those days.. Because now I had a reason and an answer? Then I started to psyche out my VOJ - just let the kids be what they Are support them in the best way I can and now- we get along so much better I understand them and talk more than just getting frustrated . Also to myself i just let everything happen to me I really try not to think too much about what I should, would and have to do to be that perfect nanny. And it's still working - I got a whole new perspective in lots of things in life !!
VOJ is still on(-: when you start listening to it - things can get really noisy in your head... it seems like once you relax it things in your life are more flowing in their natural pace.
ReplyDeleteI have been noticing that the happiest time in my life were when I followed my VOW but in the past year I have been listing more the my vOJ and seems like I am losing track and less happy. i feel like the more you grown in age people VOJ on are acts is stronger. What works for me is sharing my thoughts with people I know are open minded and will share a different view on question so I can learn from them.
I have a "personified" VOJ. It's an ugly little creature with a rusty voice, dressed in black and standing on my left shoulder. We've known each other for a while now. It often shows up when I'm about to try something new or decide on something. It tries to slow me down and questions my abilities. It definitely doesn't appreciate me addressing it directly! The best way for me to deal with my VOJ creature is to acknowledge that it is there, have a word with it and then consciously move it out of the way. If it is really persistent I slap on my left shoulder. Suppressing or totally ignoring my VOJ doesn't work for me.
ReplyDeleteWhat is VOJ? It is the voice in your mind to say that you can not do it, you are not good enough, it's all negative. If you can realize it is a VOJ, then of course you can find a way to beat it. But if you can't? Sometimes VOJ is very silence, this is what I understand after the whole class ends. After the first week, I keep working on replace my VOJ by VOW, but I still feel stressful and nervous and self-critisim sometimes and I don't know why. In the last class, when Sherri and Julia asked as to think about our value, I can not find a good way to express myself, I mean, all the things I think about myself is negative. It's so terrible, I felt I am useless. After the class, I asked this to Julia, she said it was definitely a VOJ, and it showed up in a quiet way. Suddenly I understand it, and she gave me a new way to explain my thoughts. Every time since then I feel not confident, I remember Julia's words, and I keep saying to myself it is VOJ. Sometimes it is really hard to convince yourself that the negative things you are thinking about is VOJ, especially when you are self-distrust. But at least I know it now, and I try to get cross to it. Now I feel better to tell myself that I am good and I need to admit who I really am.
ReplyDeleteFrom: Xueting Zhao
At first it was hard for me to try to recognize when the VOJ was talking to me ,just for a moment I was wondering how can I know the different between VOJ and VOW I did this exercise for 3 days I stop and listen for a moment learning to recognize the VOJ as I reflect on the experience I realized when the negative insights come like I can not do it , this meant : the judge inside me ( VOJ) finally I understood that it is obstacle to make dreams come true .
ReplyDeleteVOJ this week was very interesting to know that the thoughts that I have in my mind are not always necessarily correct, because sometimes you think something and it automatically assumes, and often these are just bad ideas or judgments that one believe, sometimes it's good to listen to our instincts or our body language, because decisions must always be made on the way you will be considered the best.
ReplyDelete(I'm having some difficulties to identify me, but here is Lídia Brito).
ReplyDeleteI'm a little late to share my thoughts and experiences with you all but I'll catch this moment to register my journey on this course ;)
Firstly when I applied to this course I thought only about my professional life. I always believed that we women could separated our personal and professional lives and that it's hard but the only way to be successful in this both topics. I'd chased this for a long time and I confess that I had the idea that in USA I would learn how get it due to the American's individual lifestyle (different of the Brazilian's passion lifestyle).
So, when I answered that questions before the first class I was so beautifully professional. But in the first class all this my thoughts fell apart and this can sounds weird but I felt relieved. I learned that those two lifes are part of the female trait and they're mixed in one.
The successful life is when us understand ourselves as Person, listening our inside voices, identifying what kind of voice is speaking, feeling what they cause in us, and then we have to decide which way we want follow.
I also discovered that the my niece's birth is more important than I thought and that I'm (and want to be) a reference for her.
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About the VOJ x VOW, as I told in class, I saw in me all VOJ traits and this scared me. But my hope was in mix my therapy process with the classes learnings.
Speaking about my therapy, I was impressed how all this new knowledges match with my therapist's talks. :)